photo credit: Banksy
Happy Valentine's Day! To all of the people in a good, solid relationship - stay that way. Honor, love, and cherish your partner. Be faithful. To all of my fellow singletons - be in no rush to get into a relationship. It is better to be alone than with a bad partner.
This week, I was stood up on another date. The guy messaged me an hour before our meet time, telling me that he was very comfortable on his couch and didn't want to venture out in the cold. He asked if we could reschedule. My response:
"No. We are not going to reschedule for your couch. I need a guy who is reliable. Enjoy your couch."
Vagabond.
A vagabond is someone who floats endlessly in the single world without any purpose. Unlike a creeper, the vagabond never really settles down. Vagabonds usually have very few aspirations or ambitions for their own lives. They'll charm you and seduce you, then mooch off you.
It seems in the month of February, there has been a spike in
creepers, married or unmarried, and vagabonds. After having a couch chosen over me on a cold night, I got back on Tinder. I saw a guy that I liked, but I had a suspicion.
Luckily, for every sleuthing female out there, Tinder tells you if you have friends in common. This guy and I did. I managed to locate his Facebook and his Instagram. Lo and behold - he was a creeper, not a vagabond. Observe these photos with the girlfriend:
And here is an unabashed creeper - I wonder how the wife feels about her wedding photo being posted for all to see. By the way, if they're looking for a threesome, it's usually posted.
I was getting jaded by Tinder. Alas! Look who popped up in time for Valentine's Day,
Mr. Snowman, the Dick Pic Dude. He was coming in town for a visit over Valentine's Day weekend, and clearly wanted a roll in the hay, despite my feigned illness.
Yeah, I bet he will take me sick. A vagina doesn't get the flu. The owner does.
Or he wants to make the notches on his bed count.
Oh look. A day later, he wants to see if my vagina is feeling any better. Still "sick"!
Who the hell drinks Gatorade when they're sick!? As if that's the all-out cure? I said I had the flu, not diarrhea. "Let me visit you." Clearly, he wants the vagina, not me.
"hint hint, let them be kind." You mean let you f*** me? Is your dick somehow a magic wand for my fake flu? No thanks.
Note that since this message which was on Friday, I haven't been followed up on since. I think Mr. Dick Pic got the message.
All joking aside, this is the best advice I can give to all the singletons out there: never ignore a red flag. The way a person acts while dating you is how that person will act during your marriage, times one hundred. Never ignore a red flag.
I remember the first time my ex verbally threatened me. The verbal threat became a phone being thrown at me. The phone being thrown at me became another verbal threat of more physical violence. The threat of more physical violence became getting pushed into a wall of my apartment on the final fight before our breakup. All of this happened over the course of several months.
All of it were red flags, coupled with the indications that he was creeping. I brushed it all aside, but another woman was the final straw.
For some reason, another woman entering the picture seems to be the final straw for most women I've talked to who were in abusive relationships. I met another woman recently who came from a physically abusive relationship. I told her about my story. She told me I was smart that I got out when I did. Her ex actually put her in the hospital. They were together for several years, whereas my ex and I were together for only 19 months.
"I was beaten within inches of my life. Once a man puts his hands on you, that's it. It only gets worse. Believe me. I nearly died."
Abuse is abuse, whether mental or physical.
Last night, I went out for drinks with one of my best friends of 18 years. She was engaged. I was thinking of her earlier in the week. When she called me, unexpectedly, to say she was in town, I was absolutely delighted. She was supposed to be getting married this year, but I hadn't heard about any marriage plans for a while.
To be honest, I had hesitations about the guy from the beginning. I didn't like that the guy was my age and didn't even have a bachelor's degree. He was in the part-time program at some local college. It all smelled like bull, but my friend seemed happy so I didn't say anything to put down her man.
Once we got to the bar, she began to tell me everything. She had a "gut feeling" that her fiance was up to no good. Ladies - 95% of the time, if you have a gut feeling that your man is creepin', he probably is. She did some investigation.
A woman who thinks her relationship is under attack by another woman is better than any undercover law enforcement officer on the planet. My friend went from hijacking the phone bill, to getting the other woman's phone number (who turned out to be her fiance's coworker), to jailbreaking her fiance's phone, to discovering a messaging app on the phone, to finding the other woman on the app, and to locating hundreds of text messages that spanned all the way back to August of 2015. Talk about a creeper.
"Read these."
She showed me the messages. Not only was this asshole a vagabond and clearly a future creeper, he was a vagabond and a future creeper who brought the other woman into the home he shared with my friend and had sex with the other woman on the couch that my friend bought. I wanted to crack his skull.
She did confront him about everything. He did the one thing that every great criminal does: deny, deny, deny.
"Take off the ring," I told her. I meant it. I wanted to burn that ring. I wanted to throw it into the fires of Mordor (yes, Lord of the Rings reference. I am a nerd.).
"What? No. I can't. I feel weird. I mean, in my mind it's over but I'll feel weird."
"Take off the ring. Sell it. He's an asshole. F*** that guy! Tonight, get on your knees and thank God that this was exposed to you now, and not after you've been married and had a child."
My friend, hesitantly, took off her ring. It was a beautiful ring - I remember when she sent me the photos of it the day they got engaged. She was so happy. My best friend, my "little sister," finally found happiness - or so we all thought.
She put the ring in her wallet. She then did something I didn't expect. She leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and said, "I'm free. I'm single,"
Yes, yes my sweet friend. You are back on the market.
It is always better to be single than stuck with a bad partner. Never ignore a red flag. Never ignore your gut. Trust love when it's real, but don't be naive when you're on the path to finding real love.
I may not have a marriage that has lasted 50 years, but I'm also not divorced after 5 years.
When love is real, it doesn't make you cry. It doesn't make you doubt. It doesn't make you miserable. It doesn't give you red flags.
Real love makes you happy. It's reciprocal.
To everyone out there - happy Valentine's Day.