The new job hasn't been so hot. Lots to tell (of course there is, when I haven't posted in so long).
I've been bamboozled by my new firm. In front of my innocent nose they dangled the much-coveted "work-life" balance that every lawyer dreams about. There was no time off policy for attorneys, I was told during the hiring process, just make the hours and make sure that time off doesn't conflict with any major trials. Eight months later, I learned that "work-life balance" was just a gimmick. I was lucky enough to get into two marathons this year, Berlin and London. The two trips are 6 months apart. When I told my boss I was taking time off so I could run the London Marathon and later the Berlin Marathon, he flipped out. It was "unheard of" for a first year associate (in the legal world, this means someone who just graduated law school) to take time off, much less a two week vacation. If I took any more time off after London, it amounted to three weeks. It was outrageous in his eyes. I assured him I would do the same I had done in my last firm - keep up with my work and make sure the hours were done. He wasn't convinced.
"I'm going to make this clear to you," he said, gruffly, as he pointed a finger at me. "If you take that time off, you will not get a bonus, and I don't care if you hit your target billable hours. The expectation is for you to be here 24/7. This is your trade off. You are a first year associate." He went on to tell me that the billable hour expectation was much, much higher than I was originally told.
I sat there, stunned. I didn't know what to say. My last firm recognized that I had come in with prior experience. It all counted, every year in the practice of law counted. Here, I was equated with a first year lawyer instead of a ten year lawyer. Initially, I was devastated, and then, after letting it all roll around in my head, I became enraged.
Seriously, what the hell? On top of it all, one of partners from a different office had committed suicide. Part of it was because of his own mental health battles, but part of it was from the stress of the job. My boss's words came on the heels of the death of this partner. Why was I barred from being able to take time away from the stress of this job? What happened to work-life balance? What happened to the promise of lower billable hour requirements? What happened to the promise of time off as long as the hours were done? I had been bamboozled, and when I realized I had been bamboozled, my loyalty was gone. I was going to find a new job.
I approached our firm administrator. I didn't tell her about the discussion, but she told me there was no billable hour requirement. I just had to be profitable and she repeated the previous number that had been touted in front of me from day 1 when I applied to this firm. I asked whether time off was taken into account when factoring raises and bonuses. She said she didn't think so, but it was all "discretionary." No transparency.
On top of it, I've come to discover that my boss is also sexist. He makes occasional rips at me for being a woman attorney, saying I should not be so "aggressive" and gets angry with me when I express a disagreement with his views on any legal matter. He is mostly unpleasant; just yesterday, I emailed him about a settlement agreement that another lawyer wanted us to convey to our client. I wasn't working the case, but I always had a good relationship with that lawyer which was why she reached out to me. When I asked him later in the afternoon if he saw my email, he snapped at me, "Yes, I saw your email and I will get to it on my time not yours." Geez. He makes my old boss look like Mother Theresa. Some days he is nice to be around, but most days, I keep my door closed so I can avoid as much contact with him as possible. I figured out the best analogy for my work life: Devil Wears Prada, law firm edition, except my boss is not stylish and he doesn't have any redeeming qualities.
So... I'm back on the job hunt, except now I've decided to get away from law firms altogether. This leaves me with two options: house counsel for a company, or government. I think I prefer house counsel.
After getting screwed over on my student loans when I wanted to do public service loan forgiveness, I decided that it won't matter if I ever go back to government work. (I was given misinformation when I would call about getting my loans into the forgiveness program, and then I found out that the first 3 years of payments I was making didn't count as qualifying payments for my loan forgiveness because they weren't consolidated in the right program. I recently refinanced my loans anyway, from a whopping 7.1% interest rate down to 3.91%). Thus, higher pay in the private sector looks a lot nicer to me, even though I do enjoy, and probably prefer, government work. I sold my dreams, and now I look at my job as a way to make money so I can have fun, and not as a way for me to live out my passions.
As sad as it might sound, I think following my true passions is just a fairy tale. Now I just look at each individual day and figure out how to stay happy for that day, knowing that I have the promise of tomorrow to try again if today sucks.
