Tinder in Miniature

Occasionally, as I swipe on Tinder, attempt to be struck by an arrow of love on OkCupid, or try to get a big catch on Plenty of Fish, I think to myself, "Why am I still single?" Then I get something like this, and my question is answered... 

Let's be honest. After seeing that guy, wouldn't you stay single? Yeesh. 

After many Tinder swipes, I thought I'd found a guy who seemed to be my match. He appeared tall in his photos, was an engineer, and - he was ARAB! His name was Ziyad. Sexy. 

I had agreed to meet Ziyad last Friday. It was against my better judgment - using up a Friday night on a first date. However, I thought this guy had promise. I was excited. We were supposed to meet up at one of my favorite bars. 

I was dressed in one of my favorite sweater dresses. Casual, but cute. I looked around at the bar for him. My eyes spotted him - there he was! And he was... tiny. There was my Tinder date, in miniature. 

I walked over and went through a mental analysis. Should I stand this guy up and just walk out, or should I make an appearance? I decided not to be an asshole. I went up to him and sat down in the chair next to him. 

After introducing ourselves to each other, we asked each other where the other was from. When I claimed my hometown, his reaction was, "Oh. Wow. That's shocking." He then proceeded to insult my hometown, saying it was low class and uneducated, as well as how he could barely stand it here. 

Now, I know my town isn't the best in the world, but damnit, it's MINE and nobody gets to insult it but me. I promptly put him in his place and identified all of the educated people I knew, including myself and my family.

"And further," I said to him, "If you don't like it here, then why don't you quit your job and move out of here? If you don't like the city that's feeding you, then get the hell out. Nobody is forcing you to stay here." He simmered down. 

The second shock was that he wasn't really Arab. He actually turned out to be a WARAB. 

What on earth is a Warab? Warab means "wannabe Arab." Ah yes, they do exist. A Warab is someone who poses as an Arab hoping to attract Arab women. This guy, Ziyad, was mixed race. He was half Indian and half some type of ethnic mix from Afghanistan that included Pashtun and something else. Definitely not Arab. However, his mother grew up in Morocco, as did he. Therefore, he self-identifies as Arab, even though he's not Arab. He's a wannabe Arab. Warab. 

Not only was the Warab tiny, the Warab also was an atheist and insisted on debating religion with me. Who debates religion on a Friday night in a bar? Not my idea of a good time. 

We left the bar, and he continued texting me. I stopped responding, hoping he'd get the hint. He didn't, and this little interaction ensued: 

He must have been smoking crack while I went to the bathroom during the date because there is no way that anyone with two brain cells would have thought that I would have wanted a round two with this dude. Ugh!

When I sent the above text, I was out with one of my guy friends and let him know what I sent in the text.

"Why did you say 'have a great night'?" 

"Just to be nice."
"But you just rejected him!" 

"Well, maybe it'll soften the blow." 

To be honest, I didn't care if it softened the blow, but I still wanted to be polite. 

Even feisty little shrimp have feelings.