If you remember in my last post, I did a review of the dating app, Bumble.
The caliber of men on Bumble seemed to be higher quality than the mess I was getting on other sites. After a few messages with this guy (pictured below), I decided to go out with him. Except he had two fatal flaws which I have outlined in each photo:
Yes. He was boring, and he had bad breath. You may be saying to yourself, "Come on, really? Didn't you give the guy a chance?" Let me tell you how this date went.
We agreed to meet at a bar downtown for a drink. He wanted to expand it into dinner immediately, but I learned a long time ago to stick to drinks or coffee only for a first meeting for online guys. It's like pulling something out of the bargain barrel at the store - you could either strike gold, or get something horrific that no one else wants (and therefore, explains the reason why it's 90% off).
When he approached, he resembled his photos, but he was ugly in person. He had a very scrunched up face. It's like the difference between seeing the photo of a sweet poodle and then meeting a pug instead. I told myself not to judge on looks. For me, sometimes personality can save the day.
Unfortunately, he had no personality. Most people would agree that conversation is a two-way exchange. Trying to maintain conversation with him was like trying to maintain conversation with a slice of dry, plain, white toast. It just wasn't happening. Like toast, he just sat there, mildly plugging along.
With the small puffs of words he uttered from his mouth also came a toxic gas - bad breath. Sitting next to each other at the bar, I thought briefly that perhaps my ex sent this man to gas me to death with bad breath. At the first puff of toxic gas, I thought maybe my nose was mistaken in what it was sensing. There was no way that a single man on a first meeting would dare approach without brushing his teeth, or at least chewing a piece of gum, or something to freshen that cave. After the third puff, I couldn't take it anymore. I knew it was either leave or die under his toxic gas breath.
I knew within the first ten minutes that this date was going to suck, and I did not want to lose an hour of my life to this man. A bunch of my friends that I was with earlier were still downtown, and I decided to rejoin them. I subtly texted a plethora of them, begging for one person to please call me and say it was an emergency. One female immediately responded to me.
"Are you okay?" she said. "Do you need rescuing?"
"What's wrong?" I said, knowing that she would understand what I needed.
"Huh?" Okay, she didn't quite get it yet.
"Is it an emergency? Do you really need me to come now?"
"YES! Come now!" she exclaimed.
"Okay, I'm coming!"
Gas Man looked at me, bewildered.
"I'm sorry, but my friend just broke up with her boyfriend. She's in tears. She needs me to come. Do you mind if we reschedule?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
I thanked him, dashed out the door, and dashed into another bar nearby where my group was. I immediately deleted the guy from my Bumble matches. He can gas some other poor soul.
The problem that I see with Bumble is the same problem I get with other sites - men don't behave like men. They don't pursue. After a match, they just sit there like bumps on a log after I initiate contact. I do give Gas Man kudos for actually setting up a date, I just wish he had more personality and better oral hygiene. Part of the problem is also my dating demographic - my town just sucks, period.
I'm still hopeful that there's a prince out there for me, I just need to go through a few frogs, including a poisonous gas toad.
No comments:
Post a Comment