Yes. The bizarre continues. This time, a man tries a new method to get me to respond online. Read below:
Yes. First, the flirting. Then, after some days of silence, he comes out to me online. He is gay!? And he wants to be friends.
I had to ponder this one for some time. Why? Why would a straight man pose as a gay man online? The only thing I could think of was that a gay man is one of the most trusted beings to a woman, besides another trusted female. Think about it.
A woman knows that straight men want to penetrate her. Sometimes, she herself wants to be penetrated - but for a price. What is that price? Straight men know this price. It's dinner. It's getting to know the woman. If the woman has no standards, it stops just at dinner (or drinks if she's really got no standards for the guy). Beyond that, a woman who is looking for a real relationship will stress a full courtship and slowly let the man into her world. Come on, would you let a complete stranger into your world just like that? Into the world of your friends? Your family? Your personal time? Your schedule? Hell no! You make that man WORK! It takes time. It takes dates. THAT'S the price, and the taxes are all year long baby.
For a gay man who is seeking a friendship, there is no price because penetration is not an option. Friendship is the easy way in to a woman's life. Want to call her up at the last minute to go to the beach? No problem! Let's go! Throw on that bikini and off we go! Movies? Sure! No problem! Let's catch the 9 o'clock showing! Drinks? Yes! And if I get too tipsy, you'll be the one to take care of me, right? Because we're friends!
However, if you're a man trying to develop something with a woman and you're in the early stages of getting to know her, these last minute rendezvous usually don't work out. Why? Because men don't get an automatic ticket into her life. And why should they? They need to earn it.
It seems like a double standard, I know. For the woman seeking a relationship, it's about developing a level of mutual respect, trust, and honor. For the woman seeking a friendship, it's about building a bond. Wait a minute, you say. Doesn't she wan't to build a bond in a relationship, too? Of course! But let's be real here. Your true blue friends more likely than not have already been developed well before your thirties. The friends I know that I can rely on, come hell or high water, were developed during the years of my childhood, college, and law school years. Of course, I make new friends, but I don't set higher standards for them like I would for a man that I view as my potential husband. In my thirties, I always welcome new friends, but I don't need them (which is why I have no problem dumping friends the minute they start giving me a lot of bull shit - the mark of a not-so-true-blue friend).
Let's circle back to the question of why a straight man would pose as a gay man. Because of all of the above. He knows that he can bypass all of this hullabaloo and hoopla. He knows that he can get that automatic ticket into my life - because he's gay! And not just gay, but he "just came out," which adds the sympathy factor. This means that he gets a quicker avenue to the trust bucket, which means he gets to see me in vulnerable situations faster. Then, comes the grand unveiling. After some time, when we've been hanging out, having fun, and maybe one night after drinks and we "accidentally" kiss will happen the great unveiling. "I just pretended to be gay so I could get to know you."
All I can say is, nice try, but I'm still not going out with you.
