I still had some hope about finding love in 2016. Recently, I started talking to a guy who seemed fun and goofy. I mean, look at this profile picture:
Adorable, right? He was from the area, had a so-so career (he was in real estate), but overall he seemed to have his life together. Now, you may be thinking, why are you dogging people who work in real estate?
I'm sure that plenty of people who work in real estate are nice people. From my experience, men who work in this field tend to be douchebags. They are pretentious, haughty, and overall superficial. However, after some criticism from close friends that I should "ease up" on my list of excluding criteria, I decided to give this guy a shot.
We decided to meet at a Starbucks that was midway between where each of us lived. It was a little bit of a hike, but I thought to myself, this could be worth it if the guy turns out to be nice.
I got to the shop and peeked inside. There he was, sitting on the couch, with a creepy smile on his face. We greeted each other with a hug, and I felt myself shudder. I felt zero physical attraction. I kept telling myself to stop being so judgmental. So what if the guy felt like a wet noodle? What was on the inside is what matters, right?
He asked me what I wanted to eat for dinner.
"Dinner? I thought we were just having coffee, so I ate already, since we were meeting at Starbucks."
Mind you, this "man" said nothing about meeting at Starbucks first and then going somewhere else for dinner. Everything said let's just meet for a coffee and see where things go.
"Oh, well, I hadn't eaten, so I wanted to get something to eat."
"Well, we can go to a restaurant, and I can get a drink if you want to get something."
"No that's okay, I'll just eat something here."
Strike 1 - you can't seem to make normal plans. Say what you mean.
We made our way to the line. Like a gentleman, he allowed me to go first. I ordered a simple tea latte, since I would be sleeping in a few hours and I didn't want to get myself overly caffeinated. I noticed that he didn't stand next to me in line. He stayed behind me. The barista asked if that was all. He didn't order anything. I paid for my tea.
Strike 2 - if you want to impress a woman, be a man and pay. It's a tea for heaven's sake!
I was annoyed, but I thought, whatever. While I was waiting for my tea, I snapped a photo of him in line. As you can see, this guy screams wet noodle.
He ordered a sandwich and a coffee. We sat down at a small table and he started eating. It was like watching a small child - cheese going everywhere. He would wipe his mouth, and he had the creepiest smile ever. It made me wildly uncomfortable.
We chatted and went through the usual "get to know you" topics about family, siblings, job, etc. He asked me about judges and lawyers in the area, and who I hated. When I told him that the attorney ethics code prohibits badmouthing, he scoffed to me, "You are probably the first lawyer I've met that doesn't badmouth!" He pressed me again to badmouth people. I was getting annoyed at him and it left a bad taste in my mouth. Dude, we're on a date. Why do you want to gossip about people you don't even know?
The topic then moved to politics. He told me how he admired that I was not a Trumpster. He revealed to me that he was a Gary Johnson supporter. I joked to him, "So, unlike your candidate, do you know what Aleppo is?" He defended Johnson, saying that he was caught off-guard. I responded that someone running for a position of world leadership should know up-to-the-minute information about world events. Then, this response really left me with a bad taste:
"Well, who really cares about Aleppo. I mean, we're here in a Starbucks. It doesn't affect us. The city sounds like a brand of dog food anyway."
I was disgusted. What I really wanted to do was tell him to have a nice night, get up, and walk out, but I have more class than that.
We talked about other topics, like favorite writers, books, and music. He mentioned a couple of American classics, like Emerson and Hemingway. You know, the stuff everyone reads in high school. When I threw out a few other names like Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Isabel Allende, he was clueless. It became painfully obvious that he was extremely uncultured, uneducated, and, frankly, he was nothing more than a bumpkin attempting to make himself up to be more than what he was - an insensitive, unrefined Wet Noodle.
Strike 3 - you have no decency or intelligence when it comes to topics concerning current events or culture. Being painfully insensitive to world tragedies is a huge turn-off.
He asked me what my dating life was like. He started to air his complaints about how women ghost him after dates. Gee, I wonder why. He admitted he was guilty of ghosting a few himself, but that usually, when he gets home and he wants to message the person he went out with, *poof!* she's gone.
I finished my tea, and I didn't want to spend another minute with the Wet Noodle with the creepy smile and lack of human decency. I announced that I finished my tea and had to get going to complete a few errands. I bid him goodbye.
Once I was in my car, the first thing I did was ghost him completely. It seemed like an appropriate remedy to a terrible date with the Wet Noodle. If he didn't have a shred of decency to pay for a lady's tea or have any sympathy for people getting executed in the streets, I certainly wasn't going to give him the benefit of any decency or sympathy in telling him that "things just aren't going to work out."
So much for the final hopes of love in 2016.
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