Boston and I have been dating a little over three months now, although it feels like longer. Originally, he was supposed to have visited 2 weeks ago, but due to the predicted surge in COVID-19 infections, we decided that it was better to delay the trip. Fast forward to this month. The original plan was that he would fly here and then we would fly to Boston together so I would meet some of his family, but, of course as things do in a pandemic, plans changed. Our flights were cancelled by JetBlue. It was too dangerous to have a family gathering, and, although we'd be social distancing, most likely we would just be cooped up in his tiny Boston apartment. We decided to extend his trip here instead.
Now, instead of a 2-week stay here and me flying up to Boston afterwards, he will be staying with me for 3 weeks. Then, I'll fly up for July 4 weekend, even though nothing is probably happening in Boston by then. I'm hoping that my firm keeps us working remotely through that time so I can have a longer stay in Boston with him. One of the very few benefits of the pandemic is being able to have more freedom over my personal time by working remotely.
I hope that, when things return to normal, my boss allows me to work remotely more often so I can spend more time with Boston. I'll float this idea to my boss when he's in a good mood, and hopefully he will be receptive to it since I've maintained my productivity. Of course, I won't mention Boston at all. The last thing I want is for my relationship to be weaponized against me by the firm. I've seen other employees' personal activities be weaponized against them. I've learned quickly that the less your co-workers know about you, the better. A workplace is not a family.
The idea of having him stay with me for 3 weeks is both exciting and terrifying. It's exciting because we'll get to know each other better during that time, since this is probably going to be the closest thing to living together that we'll have before we actually live together. It's terrifying for the exact same reason. He's going to see every habit I have, and I can't masquerade it for a weekend. It will be full-blown, uncensored, me. I've been trying to get my apartment as decluttered as possible. To that end, I dropped off a HUGE donation to Goodwill of old shoes, clothes, and other miscellaneous items that I no longer used but were still in decent condition. I have only a few more things left to do to get the place to my satisfaction before he comes, and then he'll be here. I also cleared out a couple of drawers for him and cleared out a workspace for him at my dining room table.
So how do we keep things alive while we're apart? For starters, we do regular date nights in addition to our regular nightly video chats. Our video chats feel like they last 15 minutes when, in reality, we're on the phone with each other for usually two hours. Date nights are different; we do an activity together. While he was at his apartment in Boston, it was us cooking a meal together. We took turns choosing the recipe. For the last month, he's been staying with his family since things were lonely in Boston. He hasn't been able to cook since he doesn't have dominion over the kitchen there. So we improvise - he will paint, I will bake or cook.
I'm glad he's as dedicated to this relationship as I am. He makes a point to send me a little note during the day. He surprised me with a gift at Easter. He reminds me of our date nights. We plan our date nights together. We planned my birthday trip together (if we're still not in lockdown by the summer). It's all these little things that keep the relationship thriving.
The other day, I was listening to Ryan Seacrest on the radio. A caller was complaining about how he met a girl right before the shutdowns, and he didn't know how to keep the momentum going with her. To my surprise, Seacrest suggested some of things that Boston and I were doing. I thought to myself, at least we're on the right track. The caller wasn't impressed. He said it was all "too hard." Seacrest's reply was, "Well, dating is hard."
It is hard, and when it's long distance, it is really hard, but we know that this isn't going to last forever. Both of us are willing to move for each other, depending where we are when we're ready to tie the knot (yes, it's come up, because in a long distance relationship, you need to have an end game).
For now, we take things a day at a time, knowing that the other person is worth it. I love that he reminds me of this periodically. "You're totally worth it."
He's totally worth it, too.
Photo Credit: travelpraylove.com
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