The Downgrade

Photo Credit: someecards.com

This past Saturday, I went to a beer festival with some friends. It was fabulous. The beer was flowing. The music was playing. I was feeling wonderful. I was wearing one of my favorite sweaters that made my boobs look great, my favorite perfume, my favorite boots, and the jeans that make my ass look extraordinarily amazing. I was groovin'! 

There was one particular beer I was in hot pursuit of - a coconut brew. I was hounding every single booth for it. In my hot pursuit, I came across something not so hot - my ex. I froze. I wanted to go the other way. I immediately directed my friends to reverse and go in the opposite direction. Before we left the area, I paused. I watched him. Who was he with? And then I saw her - the Downgrade! 

What is a downgrade? A downgrade is the person your ex dates after you break up, but is no where near your level. Your ex is not dating better than you. Your ex is dating someone below you. 

And there she was - the 25 year old dietitian, who looked cute in the photo I had seen online, but in person she was lackluster. She was a Monet - she looked good from a distance, but up close, she wasn't anything to marvel at. My friends agreed, and I felt even better. Here I was, the hot lawyer with the amazing ass, laughing at my ex with his downgrade. 

After a few moments and exhausting all of the booths on one side of the festival, I came to a resolution - f*ck that guy! I decided to stop being fearful of my ex and start enjoying my time out! I was with two of my closest friends. I wasn't going to let this guy interrupt my beer blasting. 

It was with this new gusto that I immediately adjusted my attitude and proceeded to enjoy the rest of the evening, taking comfort in the knowledge that my ex was with a downgrade. During another part of the evening, I noticed that the downgrade was attempting to display affection. She was saying something to him and rubbing his waist. He seemed indifferent to this public petting. He then turned his face and began walking away from her, and she proceeded to follow him like a small poodle. It looked like trouble in paradise. I kept walking with my friends. 

There were close encounters with the ex about two more times during the evening. One of my friends pointed out that the downgrade was giving me a stare-down, which means two things: (1) my ex saw me and (2) he pointed me out to the downgrade. 

I have no explanation for why he would have pointed me out to the downgrade. What I do know is that I got satisfaction out of it. 

When it comes to an ex, always take the high road. However, it will always be okay to laugh and take pleasure in seeing your ex with a downgrade, especially if it was the ex that shattered your heart and told you that you weren't good enough. 

Cheers to the downgrade. She's one hell of a 5.