Cocky S.O.B. Part II

Remember when we met our first Cocky S.O.B.?  Guess what. He had babies, and now his spawn are all over dating sites everywhere! Ahhhh! 

Actually, the Cocky SOB is everywhere in every site in every man. Every woman likes a man with confidence, but there's a limit. Once that limit is reached, it causes me to have one gut reaction: a swift throat punch. 

Seeing that a throat punch is probably not a good idea, I'll just stick to ignoring these fellows. Let's look at the first exhibit: 

This guy clearly thinks that by telling me the size of his non-existent condoms, I will be so impressed that surely I will go out with him so he can bed me. Please. If a guy feels the need to brag about his dick, he probably has a smaller than average dick. 

This next guy is so full of himself that he talks about himself in the third person. I kid you not. 

I can't make this stuff up. Are you starting to see why I'm still single?

This next guy has a double chin, and a doubley large ego to match it.

I speculate that he's from the Deep South. "I know you eying this." First, he can't spell correctly. This is not to say that all people from the Deep South don't know how to spell... but let's face it. He sounds like he's from the Deep South. 

This next guy also appears to be from the Deep South. He keenly feels that I, the lawyer, need someone to spoil me. No thanks. And certainly I wouldn't be caught dead with someone who looked like they walked out of the trailer park from the other side of town. 

Of course, I saved the best for last. This guy had messaged me about a month ago. I never responded. He thinks that his lack of response to my lack of response created in me a deep longing for him. He tried to be gracious, and I, just as graciously, gave him a giant FRO (f*ck right off).