Surfing the dating world reveals, from time to time, people with fetishes. The most frequent fetish I find is that of S&M. According to Psychology Today, one in ten people are into S&M.
S&M, aka sadomasochism, is the giving or receiving of pleasure through the use of acts that involve humiliation or infliction of physical pain. How this became a trend, I have no idea. I'll leave that to Psychology Today. Nonetheless, some people are into it and as long as it's all consensual, it's all gravy. I should note that scientifically, pain during sex releases more endorphins. The more the endorphins, the more the pleasure, and the more the sexual arousal.
Here are a couple of S&M men. Observe Exhibit A...
Talk about a kinky duck. And Exhibit B:
As you can see, this medical professional is into the same kinky stuff as the duck.
Most people who are into S&M that I find online seem to be the same type - usually it's a male in his 30s-40s, a professional of some sort, and they never post their true photos online. Why the mystery?
Nobody wants to be too exposed with this fetish. Despite the extensive underground culture, it still seems to be frowned upon by most. On the same token, everyone thinks they're a little kinky. Have you ever spanked a partner during sex? Have you ever been spanked? Do you ever engage in a little hair pulling during sex? What about a little bite here and there? Have you ever liked to be held down during sex? Maybe a little rough once in a while? If you've done any of those things, then you've done a little S&M yourself. Watch out Christian Grey.
Exhibit B mentions "vanilla sex" in his profile. Vanilla sex means conventional sex - whatever is acceptable under social norms. In other words, if you're not into S&M or anything kinky, then you're vanilla. Remember - most everyone has done a little S&M at some point in their sexual lifetime. I think it's fair to say that most people are vanilla with the occasional swirl of spank.
A few years ago, I had my own personal adventure into S&M. Chill out - I didn't go nuts like the duck. I met a man who was into the stuff. He was a lawyer from New York City and ten years older. One day, over a drink, he casually told me about his fetish.
"It's a lot of fun. I think you'd enjoy it." He smiled mischievously at me. He then went on to tell me about the sex clubs in NYC. He also told me about a fantasy he had for me. He wanted to suspend me in a swing, my arms and legs bound, in one of these clubs and have sex with me while people gawked. I was freaked out.
As time went on, he introduced me to the different aspects of S&M, including what he liked. He was into domination and pain. I wasn't. The idea of having someone commit acts of pain on my nipples while I was strapped up by belts like a sacrificial lamb just didn't appeal to me - call me crazy!
I shared this story with a good friend of mine who also dated someone into the S&M culture. That man, too, was older than she was. "Come here, little girl," he would say to her. It was a verbal act of domination and an act of introduction into S&M.
S&M is probably always going to remain an underground culture because it is so extreme to the mainstream. It's hard for me to picture this gaining mainstream popularity because the act of pain while receiving pleasure just isn't a big turn-on for most people. Most people are content with light S&M, but they won't reach the level of the duck. If you're not at duck-level, then you probably won't get along with someone who is a duck. When it comes to sex, it's best to be with someone who enjoys the same things you do.
As they say, birds of a feather...
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