Freak Messages

One of the best ways to draw a desired person's interest is to write a witty message. The first message is usually the most critical one because it makes the desired person do one of two things: become interested and message you back, or think you're a freak and ignore you. 

I recently had two interesting lads contact me. They fell into the later category: I thought they were freaks and ignored them. 

Exhibit A:

 

After receiving this initial message, I immediately dismissed this guy as a freak. Plus, the hoodie was a weird touch. I mean, who wears a creeper hoodie like this in a profile picture? You can't see because I have the eyes blocked out, but the eyes also add to the creeper effect.

Since I didn't respond, the creeper sent me the following, to which I gave a very smart response:

 

 Exhibit B:

Nothing annoys me more than stupid people. This guy was totally into female-dominated relationships. He had no photos of himself posted, only the weird cartoon of the tall Amazon woman with the boobs popping out of her shirt. I have no idea what he thought he was going to achieve with his initial message. Likewise, I gave a smart response. 

Bottom line: don't send stupid first messages. If you want your desired person to think you're a freak and dismiss you, then go right ahead and send stupid messages. It will only be a waste of your time and that person's time. 

Don't forget this: people talk. My friends and I exchange notes on the guys we talk to online all the time. Don't make it into the Freak Pile. 

Unhinged

Running into an ex in public is bound to happen at some point. It's usually never a pleasant experience if the break-up was not amicable, if the relationship itself was toxic, if there was no closure, or all of the above. 

Last night, I experienced the dilemma of seeing my ex in public. I was out and about with friends, when I saw a ghost from my past. There he was, walking out of the bathroom, walking right past me, and proceeding to sit at a table with a heavy, fuzzy guy with a backwards cap and some skinny blonde who looked like she was fresh out of high school. 

And then it came - the pit in my stomach. Anxiety. Nervousness. Fear. Insecurity. Anger. It happened. I was unhinged. He triggered a mountain of feelings that I wasn't prepared to encounter in a bar on a Friday night out with my friends. 

I wanted answers from him. I wanted to know why he did all of the things he did to me. I wanted to approach him and say, "What the fuck? What the fuck is your problem? Why are you such an asshole?" I didn't do anything. I stayed away, and continued with my friends in conversations that I didn't give two craps about because I was trying to get myself out of my unhinged state. I stayed unhinged until he left with Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb Blonde. 

I went to bed last night hoping that I would wake up from a nightmare. This morning, I woke up with that same pit in my stomach. I was upset. I still felt love for the man and missed him, and I was angry at myself for it. After lots of thought, I decided to give myself a break for having all of these feelings. 

My relationship was real. It was beautiful and it was ugly. It was not perfect, but he was the man I thought I was going to marry because I thought our love was real. It ended for a lot of reasons. It ended because he quit. It ended because he didn't want to be there for me. It ended because he wanted to see other women. It ended because of other reasons I may never know, and unfortunately, I must accept that I'll never know. He gave me darkness. 

Out of the darkness, I learned a lot of things. I learned to take the good and the bad together to look at the whole picture. I see him for who he really is. I woke up to the abusive relationship that it was. I see him as the man who walked away from me and left me unhinged. I see him as the man who, when he walks into a bar, still leaves me unhinged. Do I still love him? Of course I do. I've forgiven him, but I won't forget all of the lessons I've learned. 

Here's the thing: he doesn't keep power over me. I don't stay unhinged. I don't let my unhinged state get the best of me. I learned that even if I get unhinged, I'm still a phenomenal woman. I'm still a lady. I'm still strong. I'm strong because I keep control of myself. Even when he brings his dark cloud, I'm still able to radiate light. I wasn't able to do this a year ago. I'm able to do this now. 

It's okay to get unhinged because you're human, but it's not okay to stay that way. 

My friends, as you read this, if you ever find yourself becoming unhinged at the sight of your ex, remember this: pull yourself back together. Your ex walked away from you because he or she wanted to walk away. When someone wants to walk away from you, let that person walk. You are still you. You are still beautiful. You are still smart. You are still strong. You are still important. You are still all of the good things that you are. 

If you remember these things, you are not unhinged. You are re-stabilized.

Why Bother?

I know the old adage that "men are stupid and they just don't know any better."

I don't believe that, and here's why. If men were that stupid, there would be no male doctors, lawyers, dentists, architects, inventors, etc. Do you see where I am going with this? Men are stupid when they want to be stupid, and they are smart when they want to be smart. When they act stupid, they fall back on the old adage hoping that their bad behavior will be excused. I don't excuse bad behavior. In fact, I look at bad behavior and I think to myself, "If they are acting badly now, or stupidly now, then what will the future be like?"

Tonight, I was supposed to have a date and got stood up again.

Observe:

He says this is out of character for him, but is it really? I doubt it. If he cared, he would have made an effort. If he thought he would be late, he would have given notice.

Ladies, the lesson for the day is this: don't put up with bull shit.

If it's bull shit, why bother?

Doubles

Not everyone will respond to messages on dating sites. A lack of response indicates a lack of interest. Two messages indicate lots of interest. The exact same message being sent twice, however, indicates that the person really didn't read your profile and is sending the same thing to everyone. I call this a Double. Observe:

Yes. This man sent me the exact same message almost 30 days apart. This is the equivalent of a cold-call. What's more surprising is that despite my non-answer, he sends the exact same message again. My response? None.

I don't respond to doubles. I answer in the double negative.

Double no to the double.

Pierced

Piercings are generally acceptable. Piercings sometimes, like tattoos, go way too far. Observe:

This guy is a freak on a leash, or a freak on a hook. Clearly, he thinks that by deforming his face he will attract a woman who will want to experience that forked tongue of his. Ugh. The fishing hook in the nose, the face piercings, and the tattoos on the hands are extreme. Make no mistake - hand tattoos mean the person is covered elsewhere. And the green fingernails? Ugh. This guy isn't even interesting. He's a walking horror show.

On the other hand, he made me appreciate my singlehood. It's better to be single than attached to a bad partner, or attached to a freak on a leash...

...or a fishing hook.