Blank Canvas

Few things irritate me more than a man who doesn't complete his profile. I call him "The Blank Canvas." Look at this example: 

All I know about this guy is that he likes to drink socially and smoke occasionally. Wow, how descriptive! His summary doesn't help much either. Most of the time, these men claim that they want the singleton to approach them and ask them for all of this information. 

This approach sucks for two reasons. First, it is a waste of time for the singleton if the inquiring singleton actually has standards (like me). Second, a singleton who thinks this approach is bull shit (also like me) won't even bother. If a singleton who thinks the approach is bull shit gets a message from a Blank Canvas, then the singleton will first look at photos, decide if the Canvas is attractive, and may or may not reply. At this point, the paid date site has been reduced to Tinder. 

He's not working for a relationship. He's working for a hook-up. If he can't spend five minutes on his profile giving basic information, then it is a good indication he  won't be willing to put time and effort into a relationship and is looking for a hook-up. For the singleton looking for a hook-up, this guy might be okay, but more likely than not he won't be good for more than five minutes, if that. 

A Blank Canvas is boring, and who wants boring? Part of finding a match is getting to know each other. If one person isn't giving any information, then what's the point? 

Cat Man

"Cat Lady" means a woman who is single, alone, and attached to her cat for companionship. I recently discovered that a parallel exists for the man. I call him "Cat Man." Observe:

Now, I know that there's going to be a good chunk of women out there reading this who are going to say, "That's not creepy! It's sweet! It's shows that he's sensitive!" To these women I say this: I don't want to date a Cat Man. The caption of the first photo is creepy, too. "Daddy's lap" is creepy. The other fellow who had the cat perched on his shoulder like a feline Iago on Jafar's shoulder is odd. I will admit, the cats are cute, but it doesn't change the red flag that comes with Cat Man. A Cat Man is usually too sensitive, not very manly, and doesn't work his body up.

I'm also prejudiced because I'm a dog person.

I'm also allergic to cats.

Dating Yourself

Today, I was fortunate enough to have the day off from work. I am equally fortunate to live less than 30 minutes away from a beautiful beach. I decided to take myself on a date. I went to the beach.

Being single again means you need to be yourself again. I recall so many times that I had adopted some of the same activities, likes, and dislikes of my ex. We spent a good deal of time together. After we broke up, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to be alone. I was uncomfortable with myself.

My friends, being single means you are in a relationship with yourself. Even while dating, you will always have a relationship with yourself. It's important not to neglect it because it means you are neglecting yourself.

How do you learn to be by yourself again? You learn it by doing it.

As I lay alone on the beach, I allowed my heart to open up to God. I lifted my spirit up in a silent prayer, thanking God for everything I had and asking for help for others. After I prayed, I simply lay still. I listened to the waves gently caressing the shore. I listened to the occasional laughter of the sea gulls. I watching the pelicans make their rounds in search of some fish with which to nourish themselves. I was alone with nature, and it was perfect.

The world does not need my constant attention. Sometimes, it's good to take time  away from the rest of the world and disconnect with it in order to reconnect with myself.

Always take care of yourself first. Only if you can take care of yourself will you be able to take care of another. Put yourself first. Love yourself. Date yourself. Be yourself.

It is only in loving ourselves that we develop the ability to love others.

One Cocky S.O.B.

Women like a man with confidence. There's a difference between confidence and cockiness. If a man is cocky, he is a Cocky S.O.B. I can't stand the Cocky S.O.B.

A Cocky S.O.B. messaged me. I looked at his profile. He was too young, had little education, and his profile picture screamed "Cocky S.O.B." My analysis: do not engage. I didn't respond to his message.

OkCupid has a fun little feature that allows a member to be notified when another member has viewed his or her profile. Said feature notified the Cocky S.O.B. that I viewed his profile. This is when he sent me this: 

As you can see, I immediately smacked down the Cocky S.O.B. You can tell from his smirk on his profile picture that he thinks he is the cat's meow. He is more like the cat's hairball by my standards. 

It's good to be confident, but to be overconfident is to be a Cocky S.O.B., and a cat's unattractive, undesirable hairball. 

Drunk Texting

The female singleton can be easily turned off by a male she's never met when that male displays any sort of bizarre or immature behavior prior to the first meeting. Observe: 

Meet Jim. Jim is from Match.com. Jim met all of my initial dating criteria: good looks, fitness, education, and a stable career. After a few emails, I gave Jim my number. As you can see, Jim has one problem: he's one crazy little horndog! 

There are so many angles I can take with this text message. I had gotten done telling him I was going to bed and I said good night. To most speakers of the English language, "good night" is an indication that the conversation is over. It is not an invitation to receive further text messages, like "ohhhh" and "mmmmm" or at 3:56 a.m. "I want to snuggle with you hun and give you kisses all over boo." Boo? Who says boo? Boo is what you say to a dog, not to a grown woman. 

I told Jim the next day that he needed to tone it down. I told him that his late night messages turned me off, and that he hasn't even met me yet. Jim never responded, and rightly so. I'm pretty sure that Jim realized what an idiot he is to send these types of messages to a woman he hasn't met yet. 

The lesson for the day: don't send crazy drunk texts to someone you've never met from an online dating site. If you think you're being cute, then know that you're not cute. In fact, you're showing that you're crazy, and you're going to make the person that you're texting think that you'll present bigger problems down the line. 

Drunk texting usually means drunk idiot, and who wants to date a drunk idiot? 

Bottoms Up

Tinder is a blast. You can swipe gleefully to the right. You can swipe gleefully to the left. A new person for your flash judgment is always waiting. Sometimes, you are in awe of a beautiful specimen and swipe right hoping that the beautiful specimen will, too, swipe right. Sometimes, however, you are brought to shock. Observe:

It is photos like these that make you pause from your Tinder swiping and think, "What the f***?" I don't know where along the way Eric up there thought a photo of his bare ass would be a sure way to reel the ladies in, or why David thinks a photo with an upward direction (perhaps to make women think about what it would be like to be on their knees in front him committing some sex acts) with his pierced nipples exposed would surely cause ladies to swoon. 

I am neither reeled nor swooning. I am certainly reeling. I am reeling in amazement of what these men must have been thinking when they created their Tinder profiles.

I swiped left across Eric's ass and David's nipples.

And so... I continued swiping. 

The Older Stripper

In a past post, I wrote about the stripper who tried to get into my pants. My friends, it has happened again, except via Internet. Meet this guy, who originally portrayed himself as someone within my age range:

Yes. This man used to be a stripper. It made for some good first conversation. It begs the question, if a man is posting this as his main picture, how serious is he? I gave him a shot and continued to engage in email conversation. He didn't seem too bad, until this: 

This little exchange above begs the next question, what the f***? This guy deserves to have the Bull Shit Flag tattooed on his chest because this is a prime example of what I discussed in an earlier post - older men trying to lure younger women. He posts a rather provocative photo of himself, then suddenly realizes a while later that his age is incorrect because his "friend" put in the wrong birth year. If someone is blaming a "friend" for some act of dishonesty, excuse yourself and go raise the Bull Shit Flag. 

This man is more than 15 years my senior. I hate men who lie, and if they do it from day 1, then they will continue doing through day 9,000. He acts so dismayed that I rejected him because of his age. What did this guy expect? 

Being single is hard, but living with someone who constantly lies is even harder. Don't settle for less than what you want. If a man is lying to you because of something his "friend" did, know that it was his own plot and leave the douche behind you. 

Besides, how trustworthy is a stripper anyway?