Moving and Resurrecting

Photo Credit: meelheimsmoving.com

Last month, my landlord decided to give me a not-so-pleasant surprise by informing me of his last minute intent not to renew my lease and sell the condo that I had been living in for the past three years. I had one month to find a new place to live. My lease was set to expire on December 31, and he wasn't about to give me any breaks by allowing me an extra week to move after the holidays. Nope! Asshole all the way. 

I've been trying in between work days and busy holiday weekends to pack my things. I still have some leg work to do. The movers are coming within hours to take my furniture away. Frankly, the process has been daunting, but doable. 

While packing, I was surprised at the amount of things I had accumulated over the years and stuck into little crevices if I had wanted to forget about them or preserve them. Among my treasures were old notes from friends from high school and law school, a 2 dollar bill, miscellaneous old coins, birthday cards from close friends and family, and a variety of religious relics. Among the things I had wanted to forget were various mementos from my ex like jewelry, photos, concert tickets, movie ticket stubs, his old clothes, and an old tea set he brought back for me from Hong Kong when he went for one of his cases. Some these things I had stuffed in a box and stuck in the back of my storage unit. Some of the smaller items, like the jewelry and photos, were stuck in odd places like the backs of drawers, underneath layers of clothes. I had forgotten that I had even placed them there, but there they were.

He's been popping up a lot lately. I ran into him at the grocery store a few weeks ago. He walked past me while I was in the checkout line, and he gave me the oddest stare-down.  Literally, the man stared me down. I don't know if he was trying to scare me, but he definitely proved that he was psycho. 

After the grocery store incident, I began having very intense dreams about him. Some of the dreams were nice - they were mostly him holding me, telling me how happy he was that we were back together, and how wrong he was for letting me go. Later on, his family would appear in the dreams, welcoming me back and telling me how much they missed me. The dreams were so intense that I woke up in the middle of the night. Then the dreams started taking a violent turn. I dreamed that I was the victim of a home invasion robbery - tied up, threatened to be beaten, tortured, shot. These dreams also woke me up in the middle of the night. 

Last week, a photo popped up online of him and a new girl - a 25 year old blonde. I Googled her (what, you really think I wouldn't research this chick?) and discovered that she was a dietitian. A fluff degree. It bothered me to see him smiling, but somehow, I wasn't as upset as I'd thought I'd be. I think this is probably because I just don't give as much of a shit as I did before. 

And now, here he was again, popping up in my drawers. There were cards he had given me, professing his love and his excitement at the prospect of a future with me and building a family with me. The box of things that I kept in the storage closet I decided to trash - literally. I took the whole box to the dumpster and chucked it. The only things I held on to were the things I thought that the Salvation Army could benefit from, such as his old shirts, the tea set, and an indoor grill of his. When we were breaking up, I asked him if he wanted any of his personal things back. He told me to keep them, and keep them I did. I held on because of one reason - the possibility of getting back together, a possibility that I realized as each month rolled on was becoming less and less possible. I told myself back then that I'd throw everything out when I was ready. This week, I was ready. 

The biggest lesson that moving teaches you is to let go. I learned that I can't carry excess with me, especially since the new place that I'm moving into is smaller than my old place. Whatever wasn't necessary for me to keep is getting thrown away or donated. Old clothes, old appliances that have no more use for me like an old coffee maker, old sneakers I don't use any more, other old shoes I stopped liking, and the old memories of my ex.

With moving comes one thing: moving forward. I confess that I've been excited about the move because it's a new chance for me to start fresh. It's a chance for me to resurrect the old parts of myself that died during my heartbreak. 

I like the person I've become over the last year, and now I'll be starting the new year in a new place as a new Me. 

But first, I need to finish with this move. Ack! 

Tourists and Oddballs

It never fails. Always around the peek points of the holiday/tourist season, I tend to receive messages from two types of people: the tourists (as mentioned in an earlier post), and the oddballs. I think the oddballs get lonely around the holiday season because they are so odd that they find themselves alone. The oddballs resort to the internet in an attempt to resolve their loneliness problem. The tourists are just looking for some fun holiday sex.  

Observe the following: 

My response to this guy was the following: "Have you ever heard of a AAA Tourbook? Get one." This guy is basically looking for a piece of local ass - no strings attached. Think about it - who would message a total stranger on the internet just to "show them around." Please. Tourist.

Wassup indeed. This guy is using text lingo that I haven't seen since 1997. Oddball and Tourist. His location was from out of state so he gets both categories.. And that profile picture! WTF?

I haven't revealed my true age on this blog, but I'll tell you what - I'm no where near 48. Yuck. Oddball. 

I can't hate too much on this guy because the message, despite it's grammatical atrocities, was nice. However, a 49 year old!? Ew!!! NO THANK YOU. Oddball.

The New Hate

US election campaigns are in full swing. Supporters of each party are in full tide, with Donald Trump and his hate speech riding the crest of it. 

I'll be frank, I don't like Donald Trump. The man is a clown, the type of clown you see running around wildly with a machete and blood from unknown victims dripping down the blade. What's worse is his rhetoric. He spews hate speech, and his hate speech is having an impact on people around me. 

I see people I am friends with, on Facebook, posting some pretty horrible and racist things about Arabs and Muslims. Now, I'm a Palestinian Christian, but when you're brown, you're lumped in with Muslims, and Muslims, of which ironically Arabs are actually not the majority, are thought to be all Arabs. You see where I'm going with this? 

The current political and social climate feels like I've been rocketed back to the days of post 9-11, days that I was hoping to leave behind, days that I never want to relive again. They were days when I used to be terrified of walking home from the bus stop at school, wondering if someone was going to shoot me with a pistol. Days of hearing kids in the hallway saying that Arabs belonged in concentration camps. Days of being called a raghead or a sand nigger. Days of fellow students asking me, publicly humiliating me, if I knew a suicide bomber vest is made in their size. These weren't everyday occurrences, but they happened too frequently for my preference, and the result was making me feel isolated from the rest of the people around me. It was stressful.

It's starting again. I've received a couple of death threats on Facebook from total strangers. There's no merit to the threats, but it still sucks to receive them. Dating sucks again, too. People have become so desensitized to racism and prejudice that they don't even realize they are racist and prejudiced. 

The Love Bomber, despite his myriad displays of affection, also screwed up royally with me. One night, he came over to my place, excited to show me an episode of the show Curb Your Enthusiasm. The title of the episode was "Palestinian Chicken." Love Bomber touted it as a show of comic genius. He told me I'd love the episode. I wasn't sure what to expect. Larry David is a Jew, and most Jews in mainstream American media tend to portray Arabs as animals. This show was no exception. 

The show was abhorrent. It portrayed Palestinians as Jew-hating, over-sexed, animal-like creatures. It was some of the most racist rhetoric I had ever witnessed. Larry David hit a new low. 

Another fun dating instance was another guy who wanted to know my background, because "you look so beautiful and so exotic." This guy seemed okay. 

"I'm Palestinian." 

"What? Oh." His expression changed. "Yeah, that's a hot-button issue, but because you're gorgeous, I'm on your side." 

What? I didn't realize that my very existence as a Palestinian made me a "hot-button issue." 

It's the New Hate. 

Match Mismatch

photo credit: Match.com 

The first thing people told me to do when I was single again was to get on Match.com. I quipped, "But why, when I can go on other free dating sites?" 

"Because!" they would exclaim. "Those sites don't have quality men! It's not the same! A guy who is looking for the real thing will pay for it!" Much like you would a prostitute. 

So I gave Match.com a spin. It made me spin out. 

I am thrilled to report that after one year of Match.com membership, I cancelled. It was frustrating for multiple reasons. That Match.com Guarantee doesn't cash out. In fact, Match.com won't honor it. They place numerous strings on the Guarantee. When you try to claim it, then Match says that you failed in some manner or other and won't honor the Guarantee. By this time, I had a couple of dates from Match with men that were okay. They weren't the fireworks on the 4th of July, but they were okay. I would also find them on the free sites, like POF, OkCupid, or Tinder! I told the rep that I didn't want my subscription to be renewed after the second set of 6 months. 

For the last few weeks, I would receive "We Have No Matches For You Today." Really? Your name is freaking Match.com. Your job is to match me. How can you have no matches? I became frustrated. 

Then it appeared, a charge on my credit card from the notorious site. I immediately called my credit institution and filed a complaint with the site. It was ridiculous. I then called Match.com. Everything was eventually settled, but the customer service with Match.com was dismal. 

Bottom line: don't think a paid site is all that. I found that 90% of the time, the same men were also on free sites. They were all like me, hedging their bets across multiple dating networks. Some were in search of a real relationship, and others were in search of ass. 

I truly believe that meeting someone organically is the best way to meet them, but in today's world, nobody seems to approach anybody else in person any more. I haven't heard a good pickup line since 2005. Men don't seem to be charming, or try to woo a woman. It's a rarity. 

I might be a modern woman, but I still like the old school. 

Come on, gentleman, woo me. 

The Men of Costa Rica - Tinder International

I said it once and I'll say it again. Dating in my area is terrible. When I was in Costa Rica, I decided to hop on Tinder to see what the locals were like. Much to my surprise, they were amazing! Every man I met was good looking, educated, had a passion and pride for his country, loved to be active, and so fit! It was a wonderland of eligible bachelor selection. Observe the specimens I selected: 

Meet Rolo, who likes cars, travel, and people! His picture for Tinder demonstrates his love for love for travel. What a cool picture! 

Now look at Eduardo, out with nature in his Tinder picture! And look at that smile!

Now meet Harold. He likes music, like the band Mana (basically the Latin American version of U2 - awesome musical taste!). He likes beaches and football (soccer). He also like seafood and meat. Note that men in my area don't put nice little descriptions like this. They usually have something stupid like: hey babe, can you keep up? 

Now meet Jose. Oh Jose! That smile of his made me melt. He looks like he's about to go on a ride. He's got a sense of fun! I also love what he wrote for his profile: he hates liars and people who are only interested to get themselves ahead. He's genuine! 

Now check out Hector! This guy definitely has a heart for adventure. Look at this photo! He's on a mountain bike kicking up the dirt! What a fun match! 

Luis is another one who captured me. That smile, and his nice fedora hat. He shows that he's got a sense of class and style. Note the pride for his country. 100% Costa Rica! Pura vida! 

Now we have Chaco. Chaco has a great body and clearly enjoys the beaches at the national parks. I love a man who loves the beach. 

Ignacio. Another Costa Rican Tinder hottie. That smile, and his eyes were beautiful. Fit and clean cut. Another great selection.

Not check out Josef. Hot body. Sense of adventure. Loves the outdoors. Gorgeous looks. He's definitely a winner. 

Of course, there's always the weird tourist who pops up randomly. Meet Russell, who is laying shirtless with only a necktie (a la Fifty Shades of Grey?) and a dog who appears to be in some sort of bliss. 

'Tis the Season!

'Tis the season! This is the week of Thanksgiving. It marks the beginning of the holiday season and all of the wonderful things that go with it - family, great food, and exciting holiday sales.

The other thing that comes with the holiday season is the freak show of men who come into the area visiting family. Your OkCupid, POF, Tinder, Match, whatever you use becomes a device of solicitation for these men who are in town for a few days and looking for a little bit of fun.

Gentlemen, if I dare call you that, I am not your tourist destination. Buzz off!

Observe this guy - who became persistent after I did not respond to him.

First of all, what the hell is up with the photo? It's like he's trying to get any female who views him to visualize what it's like laying in bed with this joker. No thank you. 

Seriously, dude. Get a clue. 

Now check out this joker: 

Your whole family might be nutty. You might need a break from the holiday madness. You might need to get away from your crazy Aunt or Uncle. I have three words: not my problem. 

Happy holidays! 

Dumping the Love Bomber

The Love Bomber didn't get the message, even after three separate conversations I had with him telling him to slow down. The other day was the final straw. After dropping along Love bomb, I had had enough. Sometimes, you just need to pull the plug, even on someone who appears perfect. Had this guy been more normal, I totally could see myself settling down with him, but he's not! 

Truly, I think this guy is desperate to love someone and to be loved, but love bombing someone is the wrong way to do it. 

Love is like a small flower seed. It doesn't grow when it gets flooded with water all in one day. It needs only a little bit of water, every day with some tender care, to truly blossom into its full potential. 

Love Bombing

I met a fantastic guy last Friday at a party. He met all of my criteria: tall (6'1"), fit (body like a god), educated (doctorate), sweet (like a Washington apple), and a fun personality (like me). He was everything I was looking for, but then a red flag emerged. He started love bombing me!

photo credit: the-courage-to-heal.tumblr.com

What is love bombing? Love bombing is when a person prematurely showers you excessively with attention, affection, and makes lavish displays of said attention and affection. 

When we met at the party, it started out with normal conversation. Eventually, we kissed. He got my number, and I saw him at the gym the next day. He invited me to watch football with a group of his friends. So far, so good. In the course of one week, we had been out three times. Each time, he was becoming more intense with his affection - love bombing. In fact, he literally almost said "I love you" to me on more than one occasion. 

Now, it took my ex a full year to tell me that he loved me. He was stingy with emotion and, now that I look back, I realize he was a total dick to me about it. He used the "I love you" as a manipulative power play. This new guy wanted to throw out the "I love you" like it was Halloween candy. Both men were the polar opposites of each other on the emotional plane. Then, there was the "what ifs." He asked me if I had thought about what our kids would look like. Kids? I know that I wanted kids, but I certainly didn't think about what "our" kids would look like. I had just met this guy! He threw out the idea of marriage. What would it be like to be married. Married! I wanted to get married eventually, but I wasn't in that state of mind. It's the love bombing. As with all types of bombs, it has the same effect: makes me want to RUN AWAY and RUN FOR COVER. 

When someone is love bombing, know one thing: there is something toxic in the background. 

photo credit: radioornot.com

I knew from friends at the party that this guy was recently single, but when I asked how recent, the answers I got were nebulous. I had to get to the bottom of it. Why is this guy love bombing me? Don't get me wrong. I really liked the attention. Things at work had gotten rocky. After a rough day, he came over and cooked a NY strip steak for me, made prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, and potpourri potatoes. Don't forget the exquisite red wine he brought over, my favorite cabernet sauvignon. He invited me to go boating with him on the weekend. I was excited.

On Friday, I decided to dig deeper with him. I liked this guy. He seemed so much better than my ex. He was waking me up to how I should have been treated - like a queen, and given respect when I had questions, not stomping me out like an annoying ant. I wanted to get to know him, but I needed him to pump the brakes. He took me out to dinner to a fabulous four-star restaurant, a steakhouse that left me dizzy with delicious fine wine and equally fine food. During the main course, he was showing me a photo of the boat dock and the places we'd go to on the boat. When he was exiting out of the album, I saw a photo of his ex on his phone. (Ironically, this was the same way I discovered that my ex was cheating on me with 20-something year-old whores).

I asked him if he was over his ex. When he only looked at me, I knew the answer. He wasn't over her, and I told him so. He responded, "You're right, but it's not so much her. It's that she didn't love me. It's that she left me and I didn't understand why. I struggle with that. I ask myself what I did wrong." His blue eyes appeared opened to me, opened in the sense that what I saw was not him, but a person who was holding on to a lot of hurt that still needed a lot of healing. I knew that hurt all too well because it was the same hurt that my ex inflicted on me. This explained the love bombing. By love bombing me, he thought he could love bomb himself. He thought he could bomb himself into a new relationship that would bring him to the accelerated healed state that he wanted.

He continued answering me.

"I really like you. I really do. I want to see where this goes. You're so different from any woman I've ever met. You're fun, you have a career, you're mellow, you hate drama. You volunteer. You teach. Girls like you don't exist, and I don't want to let this go."
"I like you, too, but you're still healing. I don't want to be anybody's rebound. My breakup was over a year ago. Yours was when?"
"Last month."
"Last month. You're not ready."

He stared at me, looking hurt. Then I continued, "Look, we can keep going out on dates, but we need to slow it down. Really slow. We need to get to know each other first. I want this to be light and fun, no pressure." He agreed.

The next day, we went boating with two friends of mine. My friends overwhelmingly approved of him, the tougher critic of the two saying "You've hit a home run with this one."

When we were alone, the love bombing started again. I told him I needed him to calm down. I was supposed to meet other friends of his at a birthday party that night. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea for me to go. He understood and didn't pressure me into going.

It is nice to go out with a guy who actually treats me well and wants to spoil me. I don't think this is going to become anything. I don't mind helping him heal, but I certainly don't plan on becoming intimate with this man. Intimacy is for a true relationship, and we're just not at that bridge.

As long as there is love bombing, there will be no bridge.

No Tongue Prior to the First Date, Please

Men who put up jackass photos are sure to get this response from me: PASS! Among some of the asinine photos men will put on their profile photos are photos of themselves sticking out their tongue a la Miley Cyrus style. Observe:

How on earth is this attractive? This doesn't make me think, "Oh, I wonder what his tongue is like!" It makes me think, "This guy must me a real idiot if he's a professional but keep sticking his tongue out in photos like a small child." 

Ugh. I think most people like a little tongue, but not before you even meet. 

Freak Messages

One of the best ways to draw a desired person's interest is to write a witty message. The first message is usually the most critical one because it makes the desired person do one of two things: become interested and message you back, or think you're a freak and ignore you. 

I recently had two interesting lads contact me. They fell into the later category: I thought they were freaks and ignored them. 

Exhibit A:

 

After receiving this initial message, I immediately dismissed this guy as a freak. Plus, the hoodie was a weird touch. I mean, who wears a creeper hoodie like this in a profile picture? You can't see because I have the eyes blocked out, but the eyes also add to the creeper effect.

Since I didn't respond, the creeper sent me the following, to which I gave a very smart response:

 

 Exhibit B:

Nothing annoys me more than stupid people. This guy was totally into female-dominated relationships. He had no photos of himself posted, only the weird cartoon of the tall Amazon woman with the boobs popping out of her shirt. I have no idea what he thought he was going to achieve with his initial message. Likewise, I gave a smart response. 

Bottom line: don't send stupid first messages. If you want your desired person to think you're a freak and dismiss you, then go right ahead and send stupid messages. It will only be a waste of your time and that person's time. 

Don't forget this: people talk. My friends and I exchange notes on the guys we talk to online all the time. Don't make it into the Freak Pile. 

Unhinged

Running into an ex in public is bound to happen at some point. It's usually never a pleasant experience if the break-up was not amicable, if the relationship itself was toxic, if there was no closure, or all of the above. 

Last night, I experienced the dilemma of seeing my ex in public. I was out and about with friends, when I saw a ghost from my past. There he was, walking out of the bathroom, walking right past me, and proceeding to sit at a table with a heavy, fuzzy guy with a backwards cap and some skinny blonde who looked like she was fresh out of high school. 

And then it came - the pit in my stomach. Anxiety. Nervousness. Fear. Insecurity. Anger. It happened. I was unhinged. He triggered a mountain of feelings that I wasn't prepared to encounter in a bar on a Friday night out with my friends. 

I wanted answers from him. I wanted to know why he did all of the things he did to me. I wanted to approach him and say, "What the fuck? What the fuck is your problem? Why are you such an asshole?" I didn't do anything. I stayed away, and continued with my friends in conversations that I didn't give two craps about because I was trying to get myself out of my unhinged state. I stayed unhinged until he left with Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb Blonde. 

I went to bed last night hoping that I would wake up from a nightmare. This morning, I woke up with that same pit in my stomach. I was upset. I still felt love for the man and missed him, and I was angry at myself for it. After lots of thought, I decided to give myself a break for having all of these feelings. 

My relationship was real. It was beautiful and it was ugly. It was not perfect, but he was the man I thought I was going to marry because I thought our love was real. It ended for a lot of reasons. It ended because he quit. It ended because he didn't want to be there for me. It ended because he wanted to see other women. It ended because of other reasons I may never know, and unfortunately, I must accept that I'll never know. He gave me darkness. 

Out of the darkness, I learned a lot of things. I learned to take the good and the bad together to look at the whole picture. I see him for who he really is. I woke up to the abusive relationship that it was. I see him as the man who walked away from me and left me unhinged. I see him as the man who, when he walks into a bar, still leaves me unhinged. Do I still love him? Of course I do. I've forgiven him, but I won't forget all of the lessons I've learned. 

Here's the thing: he doesn't keep power over me. I don't stay unhinged. I don't let my unhinged state get the best of me. I learned that even if I get unhinged, I'm still a phenomenal woman. I'm still a lady. I'm still strong. I'm strong because I keep control of myself. Even when he brings his dark cloud, I'm still able to radiate light. I wasn't able to do this a year ago. I'm able to do this now. 

It's okay to get unhinged because you're human, but it's not okay to stay that way. 

My friends, as you read this, if you ever find yourself becoming unhinged at the sight of your ex, remember this: pull yourself back together. Your ex walked away from you because he or she wanted to walk away. When someone wants to walk away from you, let that person walk. You are still you. You are still beautiful. You are still smart. You are still strong. You are still important. You are still all of the good things that you are. 

If you remember these things, you are not unhinged. You are re-stabilized.

Why Bother?

I know the old adage that "men are stupid and they just don't know any better."

I don't believe that, and here's why. If men were that stupid, there would be no male doctors, lawyers, dentists, architects, inventors, etc. Do you see where I am going with this? Men are stupid when they want to be stupid, and they are smart when they want to be smart. When they act stupid, they fall back on the old adage hoping that their bad behavior will be excused. I don't excuse bad behavior. In fact, I look at bad behavior and I think to myself, "If they are acting badly now, or stupidly now, then what will the future be like?"

Tonight, I was supposed to have a date and got stood up again.

Observe:

He says this is out of character for him, but is it really? I doubt it. If he cared, he would have made an effort. If he thought he would be late, he would have given notice.

Ladies, the lesson for the day is this: don't put up with bull shit.

If it's bull shit, why bother?

Doubles

Not everyone will respond to messages on dating sites. A lack of response indicates a lack of interest. Two messages indicate lots of interest. The exact same message being sent twice, however, indicates that the person really didn't read your profile and is sending the same thing to everyone. I call this a Double. Observe:

Yes. This man sent me the exact same message almost 30 days apart. This is the equivalent of a cold-call. What's more surprising is that despite my non-answer, he sends the exact same message again. My response? None.

I don't respond to doubles. I answer in the double negative.

Double no to the double.

Pierced

Piercings are generally acceptable. Piercings sometimes, like tattoos, go way too far. Observe:

This guy is a freak on a leash, or a freak on a hook. Clearly, he thinks that by deforming his face he will attract a woman who will want to experience that forked tongue of his. Ugh. The fishing hook in the nose, the face piercings, and the tattoos on the hands are extreme. Make no mistake - hand tattoos mean the person is covered elsewhere. And the green fingernails? Ugh. This guy isn't even interesting. He's a walking horror show.

On the other hand, he made me appreciate my singlehood. It's better to be single than attached to a bad partner, or attached to a freak on a leash...

...or a fishing hook.

Blank Canvas

Few things irritate me more than a man who doesn't complete his profile. I call him "The Blank Canvas." Look at this example: 

All I know about this guy is that he likes to drink socially and smoke occasionally. Wow, how descriptive! His summary doesn't help much either. Most of the time, these men claim that they want the singleton to approach them and ask them for all of this information. 

This approach sucks for two reasons. First, it is a waste of time for the singleton if the inquiring singleton actually has standards (like me). Second, a singleton who thinks this approach is bull shit (also like me) won't even bother. If a singleton who thinks the approach is bull shit gets a message from a Blank Canvas, then the singleton will first look at photos, decide if the Canvas is attractive, and may or may not reply. At this point, the paid date site has been reduced to Tinder. 

He's not working for a relationship. He's working for a hook-up. If he can't spend five minutes on his profile giving basic information, then it is a good indication he  won't be willing to put time and effort into a relationship and is looking for a hook-up. For the singleton looking for a hook-up, this guy might be okay, but more likely than not he won't be good for more than five minutes, if that. 

A Blank Canvas is boring, and who wants boring? Part of finding a match is getting to know each other. If one person isn't giving any information, then what's the point? 

Cat Man

"Cat Lady" means a woman who is single, alone, and attached to her cat for companionship. I recently discovered that a parallel exists for the man. I call him "Cat Man." Observe:

Now, I know that there's going to be a good chunk of women out there reading this who are going to say, "That's not creepy! It's sweet! It's shows that he's sensitive!" To these women I say this: I don't want to date a Cat Man. The caption of the first photo is creepy, too. "Daddy's lap" is creepy. The other fellow who had the cat perched on his shoulder like a feline Iago on Jafar's shoulder is odd. I will admit, the cats are cute, but it doesn't change the red flag that comes with Cat Man. A Cat Man is usually too sensitive, not very manly, and doesn't work his body up.

I'm also prejudiced because I'm a dog person.

I'm also allergic to cats.

Dating Yourself

Today, I was fortunate enough to have the day off from work. I am equally fortunate to live less than 30 minutes away from a beautiful beach. I decided to take myself on a date. I went to the beach.

Being single again means you need to be yourself again. I recall so many times that I had adopted some of the same activities, likes, and dislikes of my ex. We spent a good deal of time together. After we broke up, I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how to be alone. I was uncomfortable with myself.

My friends, being single means you are in a relationship with yourself. Even while dating, you will always have a relationship with yourself. It's important not to neglect it because it means you are neglecting yourself.

How do you learn to be by yourself again? You learn it by doing it.

As I lay alone on the beach, I allowed my heart to open up to God. I lifted my spirit up in a silent prayer, thanking God for everything I had and asking for help for others. After I prayed, I simply lay still. I listened to the waves gently caressing the shore. I listened to the occasional laughter of the sea gulls. I watching the pelicans make their rounds in search of some fish with which to nourish themselves. I was alone with nature, and it was perfect.

The world does not need my constant attention. Sometimes, it's good to take time  away from the rest of the world and disconnect with it in order to reconnect with myself.

Always take care of yourself first. Only if you can take care of yourself will you be able to take care of another. Put yourself first. Love yourself. Date yourself. Be yourself.

It is only in loving ourselves that we develop the ability to love others.

One Cocky S.O.B.

Women like a man with confidence. There's a difference between confidence and cockiness. If a man is cocky, he is a Cocky S.O.B. I can't stand the Cocky S.O.B.

A Cocky S.O.B. messaged me. I looked at his profile. He was too young, had little education, and his profile picture screamed "Cocky S.O.B." My analysis: do not engage. I didn't respond to his message.

OkCupid has a fun little feature that allows a member to be notified when another member has viewed his or her profile. Said feature notified the Cocky S.O.B. that I viewed his profile. This is when he sent me this: 

As you can see, I immediately smacked down the Cocky S.O.B. You can tell from his smirk on his profile picture that he thinks he is the cat's meow. He is more like the cat's hairball by my standards. 

It's good to be confident, but to be overconfident is to be a Cocky S.O.B., and a cat's unattractive, undesirable hairball. 

Drunk Texting

The female singleton can be easily turned off by a male she's never met when that male displays any sort of bizarre or immature behavior prior to the first meeting. Observe: 

Meet Jim. Jim is from Match.com. Jim met all of my initial dating criteria: good looks, fitness, education, and a stable career. After a few emails, I gave Jim my number. As you can see, Jim has one problem: he's one crazy little horndog! 

There are so many angles I can take with this text message. I had gotten done telling him I was going to bed and I said good night. To most speakers of the English language, "good night" is an indication that the conversation is over. It is not an invitation to receive further text messages, like "ohhhh" and "mmmmm" or at 3:56 a.m. "I want to snuggle with you hun and give you kisses all over boo." Boo? Who says boo? Boo is what you say to a dog, not to a grown woman. 

I told Jim the next day that he needed to tone it down. I told him that his late night messages turned me off, and that he hasn't even met me yet. Jim never responded, and rightly so. I'm pretty sure that Jim realized what an idiot he is to send these types of messages to a woman he hasn't met yet. 

The lesson for the day: don't send crazy drunk texts to someone you've never met from an online dating site. If you think you're being cute, then know that you're not cute. In fact, you're showing that you're crazy, and you're going to make the person that you're texting think that you'll present bigger problems down the line. 

Drunk texting usually means drunk idiot, and who wants to date a drunk idiot? 

Bottoms Up

Tinder is a blast. You can swipe gleefully to the right. You can swipe gleefully to the left. A new person for your flash judgment is always waiting. Sometimes, you are in awe of a beautiful specimen and swipe right hoping that the beautiful specimen will, too, swipe right. Sometimes, however, you are brought to shock. Observe:

It is photos like these that make you pause from your Tinder swiping and think, "What the f***?" I don't know where along the way Eric up there thought a photo of his bare ass would be a sure way to reel the ladies in, or why David thinks a photo with an upward direction (perhaps to make women think about what it would be like to be on their knees in front him committing some sex acts) with his pierced nipples exposed would surely cause ladies to swoon. 

I am neither reeled nor swooning. I am certainly reeling. I am reeling in amazement of what these men must have been thinking when they created their Tinder profiles.

I swiped left across Eric's ass and David's nipples.

And so... I continued swiping. 

The Older Stripper

In a past post, I wrote about the stripper who tried to get into my pants. My friends, it has happened again, except via Internet. Meet this guy, who originally portrayed himself as someone within my age range:

Yes. This man used to be a stripper. It made for some good first conversation. It begs the question, if a man is posting this as his main picture, how serious is he? I gave him a shot and continued to engage in email conversation. He didn't seem too bad, until this: 

This little exchange above begs the next question, what the f***? This guy deserves to have the Bull Shit Flag tattooed on his chest because this is a prime example of what I discussed in an earlier post - older men trying to lure younger women. He posts a rather provocative photo of himself, then suddenly realizes a while later that his age is incorrect because his "friend" put in the wrong birth year. If someone is blaming a "friend" for some act of dishonesty, excuse yourself and go raise the Bull Shit Flag. 

This man is more than 15 years my senior. I hate men who lie, and if they do it from day 1, then they will continue doing through day 9,000. He acts so dismayed that I rejected him because of his age. What did this guy expect? 

Being single is hard, but living with someone who constantly lies is even harder. Don't settle for less than what you want. If a man is lying to you because of something his "friend" did, know that it was his own plot and leave the douche behind you. 

Besides, how trustworthy is a stripper anyway?